Probably you see me as a "live for the moment" person. I certainly tried to enjoy every minute of every day in spite of those who blocked my path with things like piano, math, dishwashing....ugh.
However, I had a rare understanding that the world would keep turning, and I would get older. At some point, I would be an adult with my own home, children, a husband, and a job.
I also understood that bad things do happen, and they can happen to those I love.
Most children -- especially teenagers -- don't realize or contemplate the risks involved with particular actions. I did.
In fact, I took pains to keep bad things from happening. I tried to anticipate these events and stop them.
1) When we went places, I walked behind everyone. If someone was going to be kidnapped, more than likely they would be taken when we weren't looking. So I put everyone in front of me. If someone was going to be kidnapped, it should be me. I could take care of myself.
2) After "The Bully" kicked my sister, I made sure I was beside him in line whenever the kindergartners filed past us. I also took to watching him like a hawk, and if he was mean to someone else, I became their champion whether they wanted it or not.
3) The creaks and groans that occurred in the night would wake me up, and I would get out of bed and check on everyone. I had to make sure no one snuck in through a window.
4) I watched affection being given to others and measured what these people did to get it. I tried to emulate them, but I was usually unsuccessful. It was difficult to compromise my belief system, even as a second grader.
All this contributed to one thing....
While I was playing kickball, baseball, dodgeball, singing, jumping off the stairs, and other physical activities, in the back of my mind I knew....this too shall pass. This too...can be ruined.
Control became a very important thing in my life.
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